Fact of expat life

It is a fact of expat life, than when we move overseas we spend much more time chatting on the telephone and our phone bills soar. The introduction of new telephone services just as Skype and VoIP (Voice over Internet Protocol) have recently made life so much easier, and cheaper, for the expat.

My Great Aunt Gertie hates phoning me in Spain. A long distance call from Manchester to Bournemouth is perfectly acceptable, even at peak rate; but, when it comes to a call from the UK to the Canary Islands, I hear the sharp inward sucking through her false teeth and a breathless "I must be quick, dear, I am calling long distance. It is very expensive, dear." My usual response of "No, Auntie you have this number on Friends and Family…" makes no difference.

"No Auntie, you won’t, because you don’t speak Spanish," is my forlorn defence of Telefonica’s automated response that Auntie will at times hear if I am not in. Mobile phone? I hear you say. Sadly not, as that causes an even worse problem for Auntie. "You’ll have to speak up, dear. It is such a long way away."

The telephone issue

I realised long ago that the telephone issue would have to be sorted if I was not to be banished from Auntie’s will. I tried Skype, a wonderful service, nevertheless even although I bought Auntie a Skype phone, which didn’t need a computer, thankfully, she after all complained endlessly about the call quality. At the time I discovered the answer. She always insisted upon putting her false teeth in when using the Skype phone. For some strange reason she claimed that she felt naked without them. As a general rule she didn’t bother with false teeth, following a very unpleasant argument with her dentist, but she can nonetheless crack a nut like anyone else. Why she had to put her teeth in when speaking on the Skype phone, I shall never know, yet I suspect that it was because the magic box looked a little like a camera.

In despair, I turned to a wonderful new system called Voip. Without dealing too much with the technicalities, these clever telephones look and behave just like a normal telephone and can be easily used, as long as you have an Internet connection. You don’t need to have a computer switched on; in point of fact, you don’t even need a computer. I have a cordless version, which means I can wander anywhere in the house or outside and however be connected. Now this is the clever part. The Voip service that I use gave me a UK telephone number; to tell the truth, I bought one with a Bournemouth code, as I used to live there and I nevertheless have a lingering attachment to that fine seaside town. I now have a UK telephone number that Auntie Gertie and all my friends and family can dial at a local call rate, or free with some telephone packages. The call is diverted to my Voip phone in the Canary Islands, and at no cost to me either. The call quality is excellent and even Auntie Gertie often comments that it sounds as if I am in the straightway room, and I am not shouting!

The other clever part about this system is that if I am out of the house, nevertheless in range of a Wifi or 3G mobile telephone signal, the call is diverted automatically to my iPhone free of charge as part of my mobile Internet package. I can be shopping in my local supermarket and on the whole chat to Auntie Gertie, with or without teeth!