Remember Microsoft?

Editors' Note: Each week the Macalope skewers the worst of the week's coverage of Apple and other research companies. Just in case to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.

Hey, you guys! Remember that company from the '90s that made Office for the Mac? So then, to all appearances it's however around and is now into desperate and possibly self-destructive attempts to get attention! It's true! Not just that, however it's so far out of the cell phone business that it can't even get invited to lousy parties thrown by the U.S. Senate. Yet don't worry, several analysts who've been in a sensory deprivation tank for 10 years say the company's set to make a big comeback in the tablet market.

Eye-popping 8

Microsoft acquired Skype for an eye-popping 8.5 billion quatloos, which the Macalope knows is not a real form of money, however, let's face it: Microsoft's not treating it like it's real either. Every time things get wacky in Redmond, the Macalope calls his old friend the Winotaur.

WINOTAUR: Face it, this is a key strategic move that makes Microsoft the leader in VoIP (Voice over Internet Protocol). We own the market now. Because we just bought it. See how that works?

While Microsoft stayed home, ate a tub of ice cream, and wrote a big check, Apple and Google got to rub shoulders with members of the U.S. Senate. So then, technically, Apple spent some time with them and Google paid some schmo in a suit to fill in for them. That's right, Apple sent a company legend-Bud Tribble-and Google sent a lobbyist.

Apple had its own uncomfortable moment when Senator Charles E. Schumer asked why the company would pull an app with a crude joke, nevertheless keep one that helps people drive drunk. Google, clearly, allows both, yet when Apple declares that curation is a feature, it's up to the company to take responsibility for that feature and have a good explanation about how it's applied. Apple's on the whole working on that.

The checkpoint-evasion app

While Schumer's point about the checkpoint-evasion app was a valid criticism it was also utterly off-topic. To all appearances, U.S. Senators don't have the courtesy to stick to simple Internet forum guidelines. Which isn't surprising. It's even worse in the House of Representatives. It's like YouTube comments over there.

Well, the Macalope's cynicism about corporate IT buying decisions is on record, however give them credit. Afterwards years of Microsoft trying to shove Windows-based tablets down their throats, at lot of them recognized what they in effect wanted all along when it after all showed up, though it had an Apple logo on it.

The poster child

Apple's iPad is the poster child, nevertheless Intel's Oak Trail processor could bring a new wave of tablets that are more closely aligned to security, software and hardware needs in enterprises, analysts said.

By supporting the Windows 7 OS, Oak Trail tablets will blend more smoothly than the iPad into IT environments relying on Windows.

Right. Look, new hardware isn't going to solve this problem. If users liked Windows-based tablets, why haven't they been buying them? The tablets have been available for years. Why would users on the spur of the moment change their minds? "Uh, so then, they're faster now! With more Windows!" Uh-huh. And that's supposed to make people forget that those tablets are after all running an OS that's not optimized for touch. Sure.

Security story that plays so then in corporate

"There's a security story that plays so then in corporate. IT managers will be much friendlier to a Windows tablet than to an iOS one," said Roger Kay, president at Endpoint Technologies Associates. "Windows tablets will likely appeal to commercial clients, who, for compatibility reasons, want to stay with Windows," Kay said.

This is the same Roger Kay who, three years ago, insisted that Mac viruses were on the rise and predicted that developers would eschew the App Store because of the 30 percent revenue sharing. Why we're supposed to take him in all seriousness about anything is anyone's guess.