Cloud Computing Revealed as a Hoax

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Seattle, Washington - Shawna Bogan, Amazon junior marketing associate on the Kindle team, revealed on Tuesday that she invented cloud computing on a lunch break in April 2008. The revelation sent shockwaves through an industry that has been by degree building a foundation on such market-speak as "hosted services," "Software as a Service," "cloudsourcing," and "cloudstorming," among other ridiculous nonsense. In fact, the market has seen an explosion of new business ventures whose very existence hinges on a notion in other words now revealed to be false.

The Kindle library of books began to grow

As the Kindle library of books began to grow, so did the storage capacity of Bogan's PC. With the help of an Amazon Help desk temp, she quietly added storage space, and in short networked an old Compaq system for moreover storage, with which to contain the expanding Kindle library.

When informed of this news, Microsoft's Steve Ballmer said, "I knew it! I knew it! The whole idea was stupid from the start!" Ballmer has been famously reported to say that Microsoft is "all in" on cloud computing. "First they get me dancing around in YouTube videos like a giant sweating monkey, and now this," Ballmer said. In related news, Ballmer's personal speech writer and PR team are rumored to have been fired.

Industry analyst Niles "Nimbo" Stratus, vice president of Superior Thin Innovation, predicted the revelation would have little to no effect on the market. "Every industry vertical we touch is resourced around enhancing the benefits of a robust and pliable revenue stream, ephemeral or if not. Whether ECM, ARP, PNZ, or ORC, they understand the need to subsume and strategize their productivity, as users continue to optimize and reify the trivially enable-able low-hanging fruit collaboratively, in real time. And in effect, the mandate is there to monetize and maximize the resulting output. Especially when v2 releases."

News that cloud computing has been proven to be fluffy and ephemeral didn't surprise some IT professionals. Clem Bundershoot, a Windows support technician from Ninety Six, South Carolina, wasn't shocked by the news. "I told my boss that all that talk about the cloud was just nonsense," Bundershoot said. "Cloud this, virtualization that, and all that other crap about people using those Apple toy computers and phones. I knew the liberal media was puffing it all up. Everyone knows that real IT is done with real hardware that you can see and touch. You can take your virtual this and cloud that and stick it where the sun don't shine."

Meanwhile, asked if she expected fallout from revealing the truth about cloud computing, Amazon's Bogan said, "Not as a matter of fact. I was surprised it went this far, to be honest, and I just felt it was time for the story to be told. I would get in real trouble if I ever told you what Amazon is doing with people's credit card numbers and other personal information. It's shocking. However I would never do that, clearly."

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