The iPad 3, my cursed new phone and why I'd like to hide them BOTH under a tea cosy

My old telephone had gone — and in its place stood a menacing new one, obviously top of the range, with a cluster of mysterious buttons around its own little computer screen.

Today, as a card-carrying member of Technophobes Anonymous, I ask only this of a telephone: that I should be able to dial a number and speak to the person at the other end of the line, or pick up the receiver and talk to my caller when it rings.

The Cisco WebEx Connect IM communication system

Yet one glance at the Cisco WebEx Connect IM communication system, mocking me silently from the corner of my desk, was enough to warn me that from this point onward, making and receiving calls would never be quite so simple again.

With a leaden heart, I turned to the document beside it, to read about all the fabulous things that a Cisco WebEx could do, and my old telephone could not.

Apparently, this miraculous machine will enable me to: ‘Locate business contacts instantly using online presence. Communicate in real-time through the best channel — including IM audio, VoIP (Voice over Internet Protocol), video, or integrated web conferencing . . .

‘Ensure communication privacy with user authentication and 128-bit SSL encryption . . . Control usage for individuals, groups, or your entire enterprise using robust policy management tools.’

But only one question concerned me: ‘What if I don’t want to communicate in real-time through VoIP, present multimedia clips to my contacts or escalate chat sessions to show and tell? W-w-w-what if all I want to do is ring someone up?’

As you may guess from the above, I was not among the millions worldwide wriggling with excitement over this week’s launch of the new generation Apple iPad3, with its 5-megapixel camera, voice control, super-duper processor and potential to connect to 4G, when the superfast mobile network becomes available in the UK, two or three years hence.

Indeed, every time a new Apple product comes out, I’m reminded of Dame Edna Everage’s brilliant put-down of Melvyn Bragg, over his prolific output of novels — 20 so far, I think: ‘Don’t write any more for a during, Melvyn dear. Give the rest of us a chance to catch up.’

Price we pay for our love affair with new research

But there’s a price we pay for our love affair with new research, which maybe should worry us more than it appears to.

I’m not thinking only of the sociopathic effects on the younger generation of spending hours every day jabbering on their mobiles or abusing each other through social networking sites.

I remember laughing years ago when my father told me that his ancient aunts used to keep a tea cosy over the telephone because they were afraid of eavesdroppers.

This was because, in those days, every telephone call had to be connected through the postmistress in the village — an old gossip who would listen in to every conversation and share what she knew with other callers.

good article, I was with my wife a couple of Christmases ago buying a mobile phone for our son, and during she was buying it I kept looking at it and I thought something was wrong I went back to see the display 4 times and realised that there were no numbers, so I nudged my wife who had been at the serve out 15 minutes being shown this and that and logging in here and there to activate the phone, the cashier assistant overheard me and said so then you press this button and hey presto numbers. Now I know I am old fashioned and baffled by technology nevertheless surely on a telephone you see numbers .....

I concur, for the most part. The thing I always remember is that my phone is a book, a camera, a video camera, a notebook, a shopping list, a photo album, a stereo, a video player, a voice recorder, an alarm clock and a watch, a web browser, a game machine and a mail box and all things considered a telephone. Imagine having to carry every one of these devices with you. I have about 1000 song and 500 books on a finger nail sized memory card with room for 60.000 more of each. Technological movement is just amazing, at 43 years old I on the whole remember a world with none of it, nevertheless I undoubtedly love where we are now. I say embrace it baby, embrace it.